Lucky 2 Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 I haven't tried this one "YET" but I'll try to remember it if I get stopped. Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going? Makes perfectly good sense to me... We'll be FRIENDS until we are old and senile. Then we'll be NEW FRIEND'S. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fontech Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Well, I am over half way there to use that excuse. Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ejrail Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 I though I replied yesterday but I guess not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nascaracing Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 I could have used that 5 days ago.... Even this one if I could have remembered it.... An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see....Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the! car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. Moral: Don't mess with little old ladies! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blkGT500nCA Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 good one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mywickedshelby Posted October 5, 2009 Report Share Posted October 5, 2009 I could have used that 5 days ago.... Even this one if I could have remembered it.... An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see....Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the! car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. Moral: Don't mess with little old ladies! I stopped reading halfway thru the story where the old lady would have been shot if this was in my town...........lesson over! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XLR8 Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 The World's Highest Speeding Fines Don't Speed Here Unless You've Got The Cash How does a $200,000 speeding ticket grab you? For driving a mere 25 mph over the limit? Well, we're not talking about the U.S. -- this world-record speeding fine was levied in Finland -- but did you know that the maximum fine for speeding in some areas of Canada could reach $25,000? American drivers may or may not consider themselves lucky that speeding fines top out here at about $2500 for the worst offenders and that freeway speed cameras are a relative rarity. But what happens when they go on vacation? Speeders beware: We take a look at the world's most expensive places to get clocked. Finland, Denmark (unlimited) Highest Fines: $200,000 (or more) Even if you're one of the richest men in Europe, a nearly $200,000 speeding ticket is going to pang just a little (and that was in 2002, when $200,000 was a lot of money). The Trick here is that Finland, and nearby Denmark, both levy speeding fines depending on the annual income of the driver unfortunate enough to pick up a ticket. In this case, records showed that Jussi Salonoja, a 27-year-old heir to a northern European meatpacking empire, earned $11.5 million in 2002, which after a complex calculation by the courts resulted in the world-record fine of about $200,000. And all that for driving 50 mph in a 25 mph zone. A Finnish business executive also had a $165,000 fine reduced to a mere $9000 after he restated his earnings to the courts. Canada Highest Fines: $25,000 Though generally a speeding ticket at the higher end in Canada will cost you no more than $1000 -- which isn't an insignificant amount -- a motorcyclist caught at 164 mph in Alberta last year paid out a whopping $12,000 speeding fine in a deal struck with prosecutors that allowed him to keep his license. The same court also has levied an $8,500 fine on a motorist who struck a similar deal. And just in case you're tempted to put your foot down on the province's incredibly straight, and often empty, freeways, just remember that the maximum fine for speeding in Alberta is $25,000. Excessive speeders in Ontario, meanwhile, also can face fines of up to $10,000. The United Kingdom Highest Fines: $8,000 The UK, like many other countries, fines speeders on a sliding scale based on how fast the driver was traveling above the limit and conditions in the area the driver was clocked. But a Porsche 911 driver caught in 2007 at 172 mph on a rural back road resulted in British authorities doubling the fine for careless driving from $4000 to $8000. While the Porsche driver in question -- who police had clocked while they had stopped another motorist for doing 115 mph -- was merely ordered to pay $1250 in court costs, he was also ordered to spend 10 weeks in jail. General speeding tickets, which largely are enforced by speed cameras, are a mere $100. The United States Highest Fines: $2500 Drivers unlucky enough to be clocked at high speeds in Georgia, Illinois, North Carolina, Nevada and New Hampshire all are liable to be fined up to $1000 for their actions. But strikingly, drivers clocked at speeds deemed unsafe in Michigan, New Jersey and Texas all are subject so a second fine being imposed a year later that often can tally more than the original $1000 once court costs are included. Last year, Virginia repealed a law that allowed a court to impose fines of $2500 for driving more than 10 mph above the legal limit, or a speed it deemed reckless. And be aware that jail time is mandatory for driving deemed reckless in many states and municipalities across the country. Norway & Iceland Highest Fines: 10% of annual income and jail time (Norway), $2700 (Iceland) Travelers already will know that Norway is absurdly expensive in many ways, as Iceland used to be before its banking system collapsed last year, and their speeding fines are no different, at 10 per cent of annual income and $2700 respectively. But Norway distinguishes itself by imposing a mandatory minimum jail term of 18 days for speeding offenses deemed excessive alongside the hefty fine. Speeders can also face community service or a license suspension of more than three years. In Iceland, higher fines are justified by their supporters by the danger of driving on roads that can turn quickly from tarmac to gravel, often leading to unintended consequences for fast drivers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FordRocks1 Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 I could have used that 5 days ago.... Even this one if I could have remembered it.... An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see....Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the! car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. Moral: Don't mess with little old ladies! Too damn funny!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelbymotorsports Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 I could have used that 5 days ago.... Even this one if I could have remembered it.... An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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