SNAKE08 Posted February 17, 2009 Report Share Posted February 17, 2009 The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger.. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your first request?' The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse.' The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. 'You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?' The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. 'You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. 'What is your last request?' The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse,.... alone.' The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, Listen very carefully for.... the.... last....f**king time, I said..... 'BRING POSSE ' !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNAKE08 Posted February 17, 2009 Report Share Posted February 17, 2009 I was confused when I heard the word 'service' used with these agencies. Internal Revenue 'Service' U.S. Postal 'Service' Telephone 'S ervice' Cable TV 'Service' Civil 'Service' State, City, County & Public 'Service' Customer 'Service' This is not what I thought 'service' mea nt. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to'service' a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus.Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. Now you are as enlightened as I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MY500SS Posted February 17, 2009 Report Share Posted February 17, 2009 I was confused when I heard the word 'service' used with these agencies. Internal Revenue 'Service' U.S. Postal 'Service' Telephone 'S ervice' Cable TV 'Service' Civil 'Service' State, City, County & Public 'Service' Customer 'Service' This is not what I thought 'service' mea nt. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to'service' a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus.Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. Now you are as enlightened as I am. Well that fits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackVert Posted February 17, 2009 Report Share Posted February 17, 2009 The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger.. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your first request?' The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse.' The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. 'You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?' The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. 'You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. 'What is your last request?' The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse,.... alone.' The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, Listen very carefully for.... the.... last....f**king time, I said..... 'BRING POSSE ' !! Hilarious! Hadn't heard that one before... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopsgt500 Posted February 17, 2009 Report Share Posted February 17, 2009 The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger.. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your first request?' The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse.' The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. 'You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?' The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. 'You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. 'What is your last request?' The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse,.... alone.' The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, Listen very carefully for.... the.... last....f**king time, I said..... 'BRING POSSE ' !! That is so funny Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stump_breaker Posted February 17, 2009 Report Share Posted February 17, 2009 The spoon: A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization. Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?' 'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.' As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' 'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%. I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?' 'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goakley1 Posted February 17, 2009 Report Share Posted February 17, 2009 Good one, stump!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Morris Posted February 17, 2009 Report Share Posted February 17, 2009 I think I want a FORK!!!! MM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopsgt500 Posted February 18, 2009 Report Share Posted February 18, 2009 The spoon: A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization. Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?' 'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.' As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' 'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%. I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?' 'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.' OMG :barf: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNAKE08 Posted February 18, 2009 Report Share Posted February 18, 2009 COWBOY WHISPERER Cowboy: "That your dog?" Indian: "Yep." Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?" Indian: "Dog no talk." Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' all right.." Indian: (Look of shock!) Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian...) Dog: "Yep." Cowboy: "How's he treating you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Indian: (Look of total disbelief) Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Indian: "Horse no talk." Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool.." Indian: (Extreme look of shock!) Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian...) Horse: "Yep." Cowboy: "How's he treating you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather." Indian: (Look of TOTAL amazement) Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Indian: "Sheep lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Morris Posted February 18, 2009 Report Share Posted February 18, 2009 Stupid SHEEP!! They are always telling LIES!!! MM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNAKE08 Posted February 18, 2009 Report Share Posted February 18, 2009 These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And the best for last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. PLEASE NOTE: The preceding information may be confidential or privileged. It only should be used or disseminated for the purpose of conducting business with Parker. If you are not an intended recipient, please notify the sender by replying to this message and then delete the information from your system. Thank you for your cooperation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tekheavy Posted February 18, 2009 Report Share Posted February 18, 2009 These are my two favorites!!! ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNAKE08 Posted February 18, 2009 Report Share Posted February 18, 2009 A new perspective: O ne B ig A $$ M istake for A merica Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNAKE08 Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 A few words of Wisdom A few words of observation A few words to make you chuckle WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church. Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough. Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. Heaven is Where: The Police are British, The Chefs are Italian, The Mechanics are German, The Lovers are French and It's all organized by the Swiss. Hell is Where: The Police are German, The Chefs are British, The Mechanics are French, The Lovers are Swiss and It's all organized by the Italians. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Welcome to Utah Set your watch back 20 years. In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory The statement below is true. The statement above is false. I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other. I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect. KENTUCKY : Five million people, Fifteen last names. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. Dyslexics Have More Nuf. In Memorium With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started. I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE Sometimes I even put it in the food. Preserve the Spotted Owl (in formaldehyde) Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play? When you work here, you can name your own salary. I named mine, "Fred". money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch. Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes. Red meat is not bad for you Fuzzy green meat is bad for you. I am having an out-of-money experience. As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!" Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty things. Corduroy pillows are making headlines! I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. I FOUND JESUS! He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mywickedshelby Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Snake, I dont know if that was a cut and paste or not, BUT IT WAS DAMN FUNNNY. THANKS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNAKE08 Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Snake, I dont know if that was a cut and paste or not, BUT IT WAS DAMN FUNNNY. THANKS. Yea most are cut and paste I'm just not that whitty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Morris Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Thats some funny stuff MM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ngnear Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Snake: I wished I could remember half of those. Those were great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFBLUE Posted February 21, 2009 Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 It's Saturday, and a married couple have slept in late. Wife gets in shower first and as she is getting out the husband get in the shower. At that moment the door bell rings. They look at each other and the wife says I'll get it. She wraps a towel around her and runs down stairs to answer the door. It's Bob, the next door neighbor. Bob says "I'll get you $800 to drop that towel" She thinks about it for a few seconds and drops the towel. Bob stares for a moment, reaches in his pocket and pulls out $800. He smiles, gives it to her and turns around and heads home. Wife goes back upstairs to the bathroom. Husband sticks his head out of the shower and asks, "Who was that?". "It was the next door neighbor Bob". "Oh. Did he mention anything about that $800 I loaned him?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNAKE08 Posted February 21, 2009 Report Share Posted February 21, 2009 How we know where they came from... Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947 , a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico . This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations. However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born: Albert A. Gore, Jr. Hillary Rodham John F. Kerry William J. Clinton Howard Dean Nancy Pelosi Dianne Feinstein Charles E. Schumer Barbara Boxer See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me. No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens! Now You Know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilmor Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 The Hotel Bill Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this... Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston After almost twenty-four hours on the road, They're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00! When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. 'But we didn't use them,' the man complains. 'Well, they are here, and you could have,' Explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says. 'But we didn't go to any of those shows, 'complains the man again.. 'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies. No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, 'But we didn't use it!' The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. 'But sir,' he says, this check is only made out for $50.00.' 'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife.' 'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager. 'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STLShelby Posted February 24, 2009 Report Share Posted February 24, 2009 A young man 30 yrs. old was sitting in a bar drinking. A couple bar stools down from him was an attractive 60 yr. old woman. They had been in conversation for a while when she looked at him and said "Would you like to try a Sportsman's Paradise?" Not knowing what it was he said "I don't know i have never tried one, what is it ?" She said "It's a threeway with a mother/daughter." He's thinking, she's an attractive woman and a daughter too, this might be alright. So after a few more drinks she said "Would you like to go back to my place?" He said "Sure why not." When they walked in she turned on the light and yelled upstairs..... MOM! YOU STILL AWAKE? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ngnear Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 "I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. " -- Will Rogers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ngnear Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 Profound Statements 1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams 2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain 3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain 4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle ... -- Winston Churchill 5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw 6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy 7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994) 8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University 9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian 10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850) 11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986) 12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers 13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! -- P.J. O'Rourke 14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire (1764) 15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! -- Pericles (430 B.C.) 16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866) 17. Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous 18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan 19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill 20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain 21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903) 22. There is no distinctly native American criminal class...save Congress. -- Mark Twain 23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. -- Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995) 24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -- Thomas Jefferson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SexyStang Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 A study worth sharing with friends both male and female.... A study recently conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire..... No further studies are expected!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mywickedshelby Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 (how true!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaydub Mach1 Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 Profound Statements .... Great Post!! And how true; especially with the current administration!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freak Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 You might have heard that IHOP gave away free pancakes to everyone in America yesterday for National Pancake day. Well not to be outdone, today Denny's announced they were introducing a new breakfast in honor of California's Octomom called the "Suleman Slam". It has Eight Eggs, No Sausage, and the people in the other booth have to pay for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STLShelby Posted February 27, 2009 Report Share Posted February 27, 2009 Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?” “Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles. “OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?” Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.” To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know shit?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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