RACERX009 Posted June 7, 2013 Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 I had to sell my Shelby due to being homeless in 2 days. It was bought by someone on this forum. I also needed money for my meds so I will be camping and living out of my truck. I am not trying to get you guys to feel bad for me. I have been in worse situation before and that was at work. It was bad my wife stolen all my money. But what is even worse is I come from a wealth family in like I never needed a job. But we were raised in a modest home and I worked 2 jobs during the summers of highschool.My dad drove a dodge dart and I walked a lot you had to earn a car from my dad. I was dads favorite he knew I was a crazy wild bastard who had to save several times with a large donation and buy peoples cars. But to my mom and siblings I was dirt especially when my career was law enforcement which made my dad happy since he thought it was going in the wrong direction. As my job said thank God he is on our side. But my dad died and left a will which my mom refuses to let me see it and my siblings lied to me. They said dads money is gone he left 2 homes for mom to live in and the other to rent for income. I was in no way to challenge them do to my mental health. So when I needed 5 grand to hire a lawyer so I could see my baby. My mom made me beg and cry 3x till she finally gave me the check. I have not shed a tear since I was 17 and lost my best friend in a car crash. So I ended up pulling my money together which was not much. But I told my mom that I will pay the house utilitys. She said sure that would help me out and then she headed down to Hilton Head, Sc for the winter. So I was struggle to just get food in the house and for my meds. So one morning I was looking for stamps in her kitchen draw. I come across bank statements and being a cop I had to take a look. I open it up and almost fainted in that one account. I could buy about 9 super snakes brand new. The other accounts several more super snakes. Plus she gets my dad 2 pensions and SS. I flipped out and called her screaming at her that she made me beg like a dog to see my baby. She didn't know what to say she was busted. When my dad was bed ridden I had to change his diaper and clean his ass. Cause my siblings bailed on me plus I did it so my dad a 2x war vet would shamed by letting a stranger do it. And believe it was hard to do cause my dad beat me senseless thru out my life even for joking. But he was my dad !!! So now my money has it all my dads accountant is pissed cause he wanted to make sure. I never went without cause my siblings are well off from their careers. He knew I was ill but didn't want to admit I was weak. My mom is 79 and all she said her whole life is I have no money. And she would let you spend your last dollar on her. She even bitched about buying my daughter baby food. My doctor wanted to speak to her and my mom refused to talk to him she told me to leave her house. She has no money to share. I have not seen my daughter in a month cause its 60.00 for a supervised visit. It was a blessing that my car was bought so quickly otherwise. I would have to be admitted back into the psych ward. Which is hard to get out from. I did so much for the name of my family and they turned their backs one me. I mean everyone they think it may infect them. I ended up yesterday over dosing on my meds. Trying to forget this nitemare but I woke up this morning alive. So now I will have to sue my mom their is no other way. After my divorce all I will take in is 3000.00 if that. My med copays are in the 400.00 range plus 3 doctors to keep me going one doc who is a great mental health he has helped me thru the hardest parts. But he doesn't take insurance its 165.00 a week. My mom and siblings are so cheap that I bought myself a 500.00 suit a while back. My mom wanted to know why spend that money. I told her that if I died you would fight about who will by the suit for my burial. That's my family my girlfriend is at loss of words her family is the opposite. I also have to thank Mike Bruno for being a great friend. And of the rest of you for being there for me. I met a couple of you at Bruno wife's birthday party. So I can not remember your names but it was nice that he knew who I was. And cared !! I was raised to be a giver and a helper and ask nothing in return. So its hard to accept even kind words. But I share my pain with you guys so can still change and save your family. If not its OK to walk don't let them destroy you. I will try and post on here more but depression is a battle so its hard. Even answering my phone is hard task. If you have a family member that's I'll mentally please understand his words and action are not his fault to a point. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Rodgers Posted June 7, 2013 Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 Hope all goes well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ledfoot73 Posted June 8, 2013 Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 I really hope things take a big turn for the better, Godspeed man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmn444 Posted June 8, 2013 Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 Hope things get better dude! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HARALD KELLEY Posted June 8, 2013 Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 I really hope things take a big turn for the better, Godspeed man. +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jw4714 Posted June 8, 2013 Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 hi my name is wes im the one who ought ur car im currently in afghastan im just want to thank u for letting purchase ur car its actually the one thing exciting around here im sorry about ur family problems but I tell that I will take care of the car hang in there psalms 91:2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RACERX009 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 hi my name is wes im the one who ought ur car im currently in afghastan im just want to thank u for letting purchase ur car its actually the one thing exciting around here im sorry about ur family problems but I tell that I will take care of the car hang in there psalms 91:2 I hope you enjoy it you deserve too !! As I said to your mom that you come home whole. That's including your brain and mental health. I would not wish my situation on anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RACERX009 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 Thanks guys and as I told my doctors the writing is on the wall. I have talked out every bad scenario from 9/11 on. It haunts me and taunts me. I can not tell you how many times I pick up a receipt and there is 9/11 on it. My doctors cannot answer my bad luck and reminders of 9/11. I picked up the Bible and even say prays and nothing. I blame God for my misery and bad luck. I know for a fact I done enough good to make into heaven. So why am I in hell. I am exhausted from fighting to be happy. I am not winning this race all out of gas and no juice left in the bottle. So if anyone of you guys figure a better race for me to win.. Please tell me!! Oh this the best part I tried to get back into mental health hospital. They said I need to pay my medicare copay deductible its 1100.00 and then my blue Cross is another 300.00. So I have plenty of insurance but cannot afford the deductible. I ask for help and I have to come up with money. I laughed at the person she said what's so funny. I said if I don't laugh I will get angry and we don't want that to happen. Work hard and get screwed.!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilmor Posted June 8, 2013 Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 If I were in your shoes, and I'm serious, reading what I have read and thinking about it, I would sit down and begin conversations with my priest or pastor regarding my situation, and continue to ask he and God for guidance and help. That just might possibly provide the only mental health treatment required. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyGJ Posted June 8, 2013 Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 Ilmor is right....your earthly Father is gone, but your Heavenly Father will never abandon you. He wants you to lean on Him and depend on Him for everything in every situation...good or bad. He never promised us a life without pain or struggles. Good luck and know that I will be praying for you. Hang in there!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RACERX009 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 Bud believe me I wish it was that easy and you have to remember. I am on Staten island. Even the priest here are shallow they want money for you to speak to them. To become a Godparent. I needed that piece of paper from the church. My church that I use to go to wanted know when was the last time a donation was made. So I laughed at the priest I got my letter from a Church in the city where the priest knew me. He was not happy with my old church. I wish to stop taking these meds and hopefully when this divorce is over. I can back off them again but for now. I am a mess with out them especially going to sleep and dreaming. Sleeping can be dangerous my girlfriend realized that when I did a side kick in bed just missing her. Or I have a dream that so violent that I shake in my sleep trying to wake myself up. My girlfriend did know what was going on so she woke me. Its like Freddy cruger dreams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slbgtsc Posted June 8, 2013 Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 I feel your pain two years straight we've been laid off. Filed bankruptcy and our lease is up at the end of the month with no job. My faith and trust is in God not a priest or a pastor. His promise is to provide for me and i trust him. Life is throwing you and i some nasty bumps and curves but we both can survive and be stronger on the other side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RACERX009 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 I feel your pain two years straight we've been laid off. Filed bankruptcy and our lease is up at the end of the month with no job. My faith and trust is in God not a priest or a pastor. His promise is to provide for me and i trust him. Life is throwing you and i some nasty bumps and curves but we both can survive and be stronger on the other side. Sorry for your troubles if I hit lotto your on my list to give too. My kid cousin married a lazy man he wants a big paying job. So he like to get fired a lot they have one kid. I would give them money and gift cards for food. But I don't ask in return they should what was do to them. But not in my family they are to greedy to help even family out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mywickedshelby Posted June 10, 2013 Report Share Posted June 10, 2013 I wish there was a magic wand I could wave and make all your troubles go away.....but there isnt.....nor is there any easy solutions for what you are going through....as you know.... but please know that there are people out here who care....about you....about what happens next.....about today.....and tomorrow.....and know that I for one am here for you to lean on.....today.....tonight at 3am,...tomorrow......whenever you need.......that is never going to change......you cant use that all up......you cant lean on me too hard.... you cant overstay your welcome.......that just isnt possible.......I am here for you Anthony.......please, allow yourself to embrace that..... you have been so strong.........now you must allow others to be strong for you..........to help you be strong again....... dont turn your back on your faith, on the good in the world, it may seem nonexistent sometimes, I know that...... but have faith that it is truly there, even if it is impossible for you to see.........you must have faith it is there..... faith that you it will reveal itself to you again someday soon......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
07SGT Posted June 10, 2013 Report Share Posted June 10, 2013 You cant count on the Lotto but you can always count on God. You have to be willing to listen. No matter what you do he is willing to listen and will never abandon you as long as you are willing to do his will. Look at the problems in your life and ask how you can solve them one at a time. Take small steps and get small victories to start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown Away Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 I really hope things take a big turn for the better, Godspeed man. +1000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RACERX009 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 I wish there was a magic wand I could wave and make all your troubles go away.....but there isnt.....nor is there any easy solutions for what you are going through....as you know.... but please know that there are people out here who care....about you....about what happens next.....about today.....and tomorrow.....and know that I for one am here for you to lean on.....today.....tonight at 3am,...tomorrow......whenever you need.......that is never going to change......you cant use that all up......you cant lean on me too hard.... you cant overstay your welcome.......that just isnt possible.......I am here for you Anthony.......please, allow yourself to embrace that..... you have been so strong.........now you must allow others to be strong for you..........to help you be strong again....... dont turn your back on your faith, on the good in the world, it may seem nonexistent sometimes, I know that...... but have faith that it is truly there, even if it is impossible for you to see.........you must have faith it is there..... faith that you it will reveal itself to you again someday soon......... Thanks Mike for the kind words and like I said. I'm a giver and a protector and been that way all my life. I always was the first to donate to a sick kid or a victim of a crime. I have many of times handed over my last 20.00. I never counted on my family for any support other than my dads money. But I know that my dad figured I would always do good things with the money. Besides my car addiction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RACERX009 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 You cant count on the Lotto but you can always count on God. You have to be willing to listen. No matter what you do he is willing to listen and will never abandon you as long as you are willing to do his will. Look at the problems in your life and ask how you can solve them one at a time. Take small steps and get small victories to start. I do believe in God and have cursed at him. I have screamed at him and have asked why a child was murdered by her uncle. I have asked GOD why am I being punished from the day after 9/11. My life has been nothing but torture. I am reminded of that day everyday. I told my shrink that by not allowing me to go down to the towers. It did more damage than good. I said maybe it was my time to leave this earth or me being down there would have changed something. But even when I got dragged into the hospital by the cops a couple of months ago. I had to speak to the attending shrink. With 2 cops there she asked me what got you to this point in your life. So I start rattling off my bad luck from 9/11. She stopped me half way she said please stop. How haven't you not killed yourself yet. The 2 cops uncuffed me. They didn't know what to say. So where is God ??? I curse every morning when I wake up. I read his bible I say prayers. Why doesn't he answer me I have done enough good to out way the bad. I use to drive all the supervisors why cause one we are friends. They know I would stand in between them and a bullet. Look at where I am now I have to make a deal with the devil my mother. She loves the fact I am damaged and need her money to get back on my feet. So I can see my baby. She told me this morning just see your daughter once a year. Yes the devil has spoken. The rest of the family enjoy me hurting to see a good hearted person get kicked. So where is God to pick me up. I tried to kill myself last week by swallowing a bunch of pills. I still woke up cursing God. Even my daughters birth was ruined it was suppose to be a great day. She came out blue they did CPR for 10 mins. They saved her but again nothing easy always a price !! When will God let me one thing go good??? When at my funeral And to even say this about my family. I went out and bought a nice suit. So if I die I don't want the douches fighting over paying for suit. My mom thought that was a good and nice thought. I'm here God waiting !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NordicShelby Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 When I am having a bad day. I just put my nuts on a table and start smashing them with a hammer......it usually makes me feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RACERX009 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 I have to go cash in change I stole from my moms room. So I can have food money maybe God will bless me with some more change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SGT3369 Posted July 8, 2013 Report Share Posted July 8, 2013 When I am having a bad day. I just put my nuts on a table and start smashing them with a hammer......it usually makes me feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SGT3369 Posted July 8, 2013 Report Share Posted July 8, 2013 When I am having a bad day. I just put my nuts on a table and start smashing them with a hammer......it usually makes me feel better. SLEDGE OR BALL PEEN? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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