Female vs Male oil change

[Evil95GT]

This will definitely hit home with those that work on their own cars and can relate to all the little setbacks you always encounter. Pretty good little joke.

 

Oil Change instructions for Women :

 

 

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

 

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $21.00

================================================== ========

 

Oil Change instructions for Men:

 

 

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under! car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.

Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.

18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil ! is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

! 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop blood flow.

38) Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

! 42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining ! case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

48) Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

 

Money spent:

 

Parts $50.00

DUI $2500.00

Impound fee $75.00

Bail $1500.00

Beer $40.00

Total - - $4,165.00

 

But you know the job was done right!

[angelmav]

You know its funny you posted this, just the other day I was having this argument with my wife and I was having a really hard time justifying why I needed to do this myself. Somehow I dont think I will be showing this thread to her anytime soon!

[rpretzel]

 

Hilarious. I've had a few of those kinds of experiences in my time. Back in high school, I was changing the timing chain in my Chevy Luv (Don't laugh. It's all I could afford). It was a really quick & easy job...at first. As I'm putting the head back on, I drop one of the head bolts down in front of the timing chain, down into the oil pan. Now, with a Luv, you have to darn near pull the engine to get the oil pan off because of a cross-member running under the pan. I figure I can avoid that and just drop the pan a bit and fish around for the bolt with a magnet on a flexible grabber. After an hour of that...no dice. Next, unbolt the motor mounts, jack up the engine, and pull the pan. In my frustration with this whole thing and my 'just use a bigger hammer' attitude back then, I end up cracking the oil pan in the process. Now I have to buy a new pan as well. A 1-hour project ended up taking me all freekin' day. Stupid kid.

[sharon]

That is so true my husband makes things so much harder than they have to be.

[Evil95GT]

That is so true my husband makes things so much harder than they have to be.

 

 

That's exactly how Jerry is!

 

We're both really anal about not letting anyone else wrench on our cars. However, I'm organized about it. He has stuff scattered about the garage every time he works on something, then has the nerve to tell ME to find the damn 10mm socket. In all the years we've been toying with our cars, we've always left the liquer out of the occassion............until AFTER. That's when we're driven to drinking. But yeah, he can make even a 5 minute job take well over an hour.

[DutchGT500]

Ha, ha. I saw this one a long time ago somewhere else.

 

But it is true that women can find things around the house a lot faster than us blokes.