RACERX009 Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Now Merry christmas everyone and to everyone who knows me from day one !! What are the odds of you being involve with 3 people who develop a tumor with in a 5yr period. We spoke of God and people on here are big believers. I do believe in God and if he came to me for a mission it would be done no questions asked. I also said this before I must have been an evil person in my past life !!!! In this life I may have done harm but to those that needed a helping hand. If I was in a room with a bunch of stranger and a grenade was thrown in are room. I promise you my body would be the first on top of it. Well it comes to this my wife gave me an early present that she kept a secret from me. She knew it make me lose it and be drugged to forget my name. It ends up her foot has been hhurting her and she went to the doctors from there to a specialist. An Mri was done and turns out she has a large tumor in her foot !!! The doctor wants to operate immediatly but we are going to another doctor for a second opinion since, I'm a pro with these things. Since its my 3rd run at it. As my sister said to my wife that I'm trying to make this my sorrow but my sister never called or visited me the 5x's. I was locked up in a nut house. None of my family called or even made a visit. My child is so far the only reason, I'm not swinging from a tree and I hope it's enough to keep me going !! I know how precious life is but came close a couple of times to meet my maker with no regrets. One time there was a bomb scare on a train we evacuated everyone, i was with my LT we found what looked like a device. The other cops ran my LT said you in and I said no problem here go for it he pulled it off the wall. You guessed it no bomb. We did get heat when the bomb guys showed up So is it wrong for me to say I'm tired of waking up everyday to go 5 steps and then get pushed back 10 steps or am I being a weak little baby and don't forget that I get ill at drop of a dime and acid reflux Sorry for venting during this holiday week not looking for simpathy and not crying wolf !! It's hard to be around people who thought of me as this crazy strong rock of a person and know that I fell apart and when I bash my job and fellow cops. Is that my fellow so called brothers do what they do best if they smell blood they will tear you apart to you end yourself, Thats why a lot of cops on my job kill themselves it easier than being shund or pointed out and be told your weak. Thats what I got from my co-workers and the Police doctors. if I would have offed myself it saves the city a ton of money and I'm sure they throw a party everytime a cops kills him self. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
svttim Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Now Merry christmas everyone and to everyone who knows me from day one !! What are the odds of you being involve with 3 people who develop a tumor with in a 5yr period. We spoke of God and people on here are big believers. I do believe in God and if he came to me for a mission it would be done no questions asked. I also said this before I must have been an evil person in my past life !!!! In this life I may have done harm but to those that needed a helping hand. If I was in a room with a bunch of stranger and a grenade was thrown in are room. I promise you my body would be the first on top of it. Well it comes to this my wife gave me an early present that she kept a secret from me. She knew it make me lose it and be drugged to forget my name. It ends up her foot has been hhurting her and she went to the doctors from there to a specialist. An Mri was done and turns out she has a large tumor in her foot !!! The doctor wants to operate immediatly but we are going to another doctor for a second opinion since, I'm a pro with these things. Since its my 3rd run at it. As my sister said to my wife that I'm trying to make this my sorrow but my sister never called or visited me the 5x's. I was locked up in a nut house. None of my family called or even made a visit. My child is so far the only reason, I'm not swinging from a tree and I hope it's enough to keep me going !! I know how precious life is but came close a couple of times to meet my maker with no regrets. One time there was a bomb scare on a train we evacuated everyone, i was with my LT we found what looked like a device. The other cops ran my LT said you in and I said no problem here go for it he pulled it off the wall. You guessed it no bomb. We did get heat when the bomb guys showed up So is it wrong for me to say I'm tired of waking up everyday to go 5 steps and then get pushed back 10 steps or am I being a weak little baby and don't forget that I get ill at drop of a dime and acid reflux Sorry for venting during this holiday week not looking for simpathy and not crying wolf !! It's hard to be around people who thought of me as this crazy strong rock of a person and know that I fell apart and when I bash my job and fellow cops. Is that my fellow so called brothers do what they do best if they smell blood they will tear you apart to you end yourself, Thats why a lot of cops on my job kill themselves it easier than being shund or pointed out and be told your weak. Thats what I got from my co-workers and the Police doctors. if I would have offed myself it saves the city a ton of money and I'm sure they throw a party everytime a cops kills him self. Take care Although I dont understand everything you said here, I think I get the gist. As a firefigther and Paramedic, I see some of the traits you speak of here and, I work with enough cops to see that as well. I dont know enough though to give you any advise. But, anytime you need to talk, PM me, we ca talk. God does test us, as he has me. Stay strong brother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpodner Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 RacerX, Believe me I know how you feel about life right now. I lost my wife of 21 years on the 30th of November. Since then I only sleep about 4 hours a night, feel like doing nothing when I am up, and would probably do nothing if I had my way, luckily I don't. My daughter flew in from Germany for the funeral with her husband and my 20 month old grandson. The only reasons I get up is to take care of my 12 year old son and my grandson. When he gets up he gets "PaPa" out of bed to fix his eggs, I have three laying hens, and watch Dora. Lean on your family as much as you can. I was estranged from my mom for 15 years because her and my wife didn't get along, naturally I chose my family over mom. When my my mom came for the funeral she apologized, saying it was her fault. Since then I have talked to my mom 4 or 5 times. I talk to my mother in law every other day. I thought I was the family rock, after 26 years in the Army I thought I had seen and done it all. I have depression and PTSD and was on meds for both plus pain killers for my neck and lower back. When I lost my wife I told the psychiatrist I'm not taking another "head" pill. Since coming off my meds I actually feel better, well as good as I can right now. I still go see my counselor as needed. You need to talk to someone. For me, it has to be an outside party, I can not talk to family and let it out. In front of the family I have to be the strong one, with a stranger I don't. Take one day at a time otherwise you'll overwhelm yourself and find someone you can talk too. For me it's one day at a time right now. Life isn't baseball, you get as many strikes as you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
07SGT4578 Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Although I dont understand everything you said here, I think I get the gist. As a firefigther and Paramedic, I see some of the traits you speak of here and, I work with enough cops to see that as well. I dont know enough though to give you any advise. But, anytime you need to talk, PM me, we ca talk. God does test us, as he has me. Stay strong brother +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbowles22 Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Hey, Sorry to hear about all the hardships you're going through right now. I can't say I understand what you're going through and I'm certainly not going to give you advice. Two years ago I got verry sick. My mom came home to find me unconcious on the floor and two weeks later I woke up from a coma with a respirator in my throat. It ended up being Meningitis. The first thing I see is my dad sitting next to my hospital bed balling his eyes out, A city fireman, who had seen shit no one could even imagine, and he just sitting there balling. He starts to explain to me, everything that had happened in his career and how he never expected to be begging god to save my life. I don't really know what I'm trying to get at, but what you've done in you're life is very respectable. Not alot of people can understand what you're going through, and everyone has their own way of coping with things. Whatever you do to help with what you're going through, no one is going to think less of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cobrafan Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Racer, I can't even begin to know what you are going through. What I do know is that I am a man of faith and believe that you and your life have and will continue to have a purpose that you nor anyone else may know at this time. I will keep you in my prayers. In His grip, cobrafan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Hawkins Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Racer, I can't even begin to know what you are going through. What I do know is that I am a man of faith and believe that you and your life have and will continue to have a purpose that you nor anyone else may know at this time. I will keep you in my prayers. In His grip, cobrafan +1 Every Day is a GIFT. I know I want to stay here as long as possible to see what is around the next corner. My mom passed 12/11/2009 and I miss here so much, she is one of the few people who "Get Me". Moving forward 5 steps just to be pushed back 10, is no reason to give up, it happens to me all the time, but I keep trucking along just to prove I can handle it. You should sit back in your Favorite Chair and listen to two CD's, 1= The BEST of KC and the Sunshine Band 2= Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon Be sure to crank up the Volume to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RACERX009 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Hey guys that for your support and advice and believe me I would love to get off my meds. It make me not think straight my hands shake. Which, I was trying to measure my pellet stove blower intake while the stove was running with a metal ruler. Well 200.00 bucks later for a new circuit board !!! If, I posted a photo of the shelby some one would call the shelby abuse line. I took the car down to bare metal We did cut my doses of meds my temper got out of control so it was back up to where it was and back to fog land. To me I feel that everyday is a war for me not enough sleep between neck and back pain and choking of my favorite thing mucous. I know people on here and out in the world have bigger problems. I tell my wife that all I need is just one year of no stress or headaches, I'm thinking of a desserted island but with my luck a plane would crash on my island filled with Eco friendly pruis owners. Thanks again guys my orignal post was chopped up by me all I can about that is my family suxs. Have a great holiday and I always willing to chat also if anyone needs too. Anthony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mywickedshelby Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 I am so sorry to hear what you are going through Ant.....you know you always have a friend here in Clifton.......if you need to get away for a few days....you can always come stay with us. And if you need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to bend...I am always here for you bud. You ARE one of the good guys....I know life can really seem to suck sometimes....but please believe me that better days are coming. Dont ever feel life no one is there for you because I always am.....anytime day or night....... if you need me to drive up to you to pick you up to make this happen, that is no problem also. Hang in there.......I know how strong you are.....you dont think you are....but YOU ARE!.......having made it this far is testimony to that....... call me....you got the number....we are always open............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbowles22 Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 a plane would crash on my island filled with Eco friendly pruis owners. Hahahaha, I just drove through manhattan on monday and I saw 3 NYPD priuses!!! What the hell has this world come too. No more crown vic.................so they go to the damn prius?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
svttim Posted December 24, 2010 Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 Hahahaha, I just drove through manhattan on monday and I saw 3 NYPD priuses!!! What the hell has this world come too. No more crown vic.................so they go to the damn prius?!? Look at the bright side, 1535 in pursuit of a shelby, un known color, year and model, can get close... well, nevermind even in runaway mode, I can keep up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RACERX009 Posted January 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2011 Thanks everyone for comments and support, I have tried to keep up with you guys and the news but just disgusted with everything. The wife woke up and was in pain by her jaw it turned out her gland was swollen of an acorn. She will have a huge section of her foot in the center removed for safety then the mass will be tested for cancer . She'll be layed up for 2 to 3 weeks if there are no further problems. Her mom will be here to keep me medicated and my daughter entertained. The only good thing coming out of this is I can clean the whole house do all the laundry and throw her crap out with out her stopping me. Be safe guys!! Oh I would have never mind driving a Pruis as a police car !! Nothing was more embarassing than driving a K - car that thing would fall apart at 35mph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SVT NAJA Posted January 2, 2011 Report Share Posted January 2, 2011 Thanks everyone for comments and support, I have tried to keep up with you guys and the news but just disgusted with everything. The wife woke up and was in pain by her jaw it turned out her gland was swollen of an acorn. She will have a huge section of her foot in the center removed for safety then the mass will be tested for cancer . She'll be layed up for 2 to 3 weeks if there are no further problems. Her mom will be here to keep me medicated and my daughter entertained. The only good thing coming out of this is I can clean the whole house do all the laundry and throw her crap out with out her stopping me. Be safe guys!! Oh I would have never mind driving a Pruis as a police car !! Nothing was more embarassing than driving a K - car that thing would fall apart at 35mph Anthony, I hope everything works out for your wife (and you with her mother for 2-3 weeks ). As far as the K-car goes, Lee Iacocca (of Ford Mustang fame) saved Chrysler from bankruptcy back in the 80's when he changed the course of that model's development and turned it into a sales juggernaut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EL SHELBY Posted January 2, 2011 Report Share Posted January 2, 2011 Racer, vent all you need man. We all have various levels of shit we have have to deal with. Its how we handle the shit that defines who we are. No one is expected to carry all the weight so unload where it feels right. We are here to listen, encourage, support, and call BS on each other. That's what friends are for, and you have plenty here on TS. J- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regalt87 Posted January 3, 2011 Report Share Posted January 3, 2011 Racer X- Hang in there. You have been to battle before you will make it through this one. Regards to your wife as we hope her foot surgery goes well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RACERX009 Posted January 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Thank you guys again for the support !! Thank you Mike !!! I have tried to to post but always delete what was written. Besides the wife having to deal with this health issue, I have been at war with my family which they made me make the descision of cutting them out of my life. You guys may say work with them in all honesty I have tried numerous times for my mother. But now it cuts deeper into just family. My family gives no support for anything but will support a stranger or a loser cousin. I am done with them, My younger cousin who was treated like gold by me she got money a million gifts for kid has turned her back on me. Due to me not talking to her older sister. Reason being is she married a loser caiuse she was desperate he makes big bucks and thinks he owns the world me and my cousin grew up together her father god rest his soul would never have her marry this idiot. He feels that we are not good enough to be around him and my cousin. It's pathetic to the point where my cousin called around to aunts and uncles and was inviting them to her 40th b-day that she was throwing for herself NO COUSINS allowed. I go to my sister christmas party and guess who's there my blood boiled it took every ounce of strenght not to crush him. My sister answer to it is she wants her daughter to know all of her cousins. Even if they shit on me !! Which my cousin use to do all the time she forgot how many times are cousin stole her boyfriends and left her flat. So now I'm the bad guy I'm suppose to roll over and mmake nice. My younger cousin decided to throw a New years party on the sly of course my sisters husband can't keep a secret. He told me about the party. Then I find out of course my sister went and my mom !!! My mom lied she said it was just me and your sister thats the balls of my family But my cousin was nice to text me when the ball dropped. Then after emailing my cousin and sister they have the balls to call my wife and ask if I'm off my meds of course my wife who likes to role play she is a badass wimped out and told them that he's on his meds. I dont know whats wrong with him. Thanks for letting me vent !! Trust if your in need you can count on me Mr wicked will tell you !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mywickedshelby Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Trust if your in need you can count on me Mr wicked will tell you !!! Very true.........you have been there for me Ant and I know you would be again in a minute. You are one of the good guys. Im sorry to hear this shit is going on in your life. I know it hurts even worse cause its family....... And no matter what happens, know I am here for you also buddy!....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RACERX009 Posted January 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Very true.........you have been there for me Ant and I know you would be again in a minute. You are one of the good guys. Im sorry to hear this shit is going on in your life. I know it hurts even worse cause its family....... And no matter what happens, know I am here for you also buddy!....... Thank you Mike means a lot to me. Now to just get the wife from sedating me all the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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