AFBLUE Posted April 17, 2009 Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 Friend sent me this today. Subject: History 101 For those who slept through World History 101...... here is a condensed version. Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were: 1. The invention of beer, and 2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man. These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BB Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history....... It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals...just to piss them off. So are you laughing or pissed off :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boss Doctor Posted April 17, 2009 Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rpretzel Posted April 17, 2009 Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NordicShelby Posted April 17, 2009 Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SGT/SC2873 Posted April 17, 2009 Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 I am! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SicShelby Posted April 17, 2009 Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
07SGT4578 Posted April 17, 2009 Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DDT Posted April 18, 2009 Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 Sad to say many Conservatives will seriously see this as "TRUTH"???????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sportscars Posted April 18, 2009 Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 I need to call the IT dept to give me a new keyboard. I just spit ham sandwich and coke all over my keyboard because of the "evolved into women" line. Great, I'm laughing so hard that I can't stop crying. My boss just asked me why I was crying at work. After he read it he's crying now also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingCobra666 Posted April 18, 2009 Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 AFBLUE: That is some insulting right there. Jeff don't deserve that. You post whatever driveling Rethuglican crap you want, but you start attaching it to peoples screen names, you are crossing the line. Your nothing but a coward and a bully. Maybe Jeff has a better sense of humor than me, but I will be reporting this. KC666 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackhawkpilot Posted April 18, 2009 Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 Awesome. And my opinion is that if you are offended by this, boo fuggin' hoo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilmor Posted April 18, 2009 Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 Oh no!! I've crossed the line!! I'm a Republican that likes SUSHI!!! :elefant: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SGT/SC2873 Posted April 18, 2009 Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 AFBLUE: That is some insulting right there. Jeff don't deserve that. You post whatever driveling Rethuglican crap you want, but you start attaching it to peoples screen names, you are crossing the line. Your nothing but a coward and a bully. Maybe Jeff has a better sense of humor than me, but I will be reporting this. KC666 dude, chill......I hope your comments are tongue in cheek...if not, then I have some serious problems with your comments. Not to speak for AFBlue, but did you read the title of this thread: the part about "all in fun". If you are serious then by all means go ahead and REPORT ME TOO! It's been absolutely no secret about Jeff's political alliance thru the many, many political posts and I believe that even here we are protected by our 1st amendment rights. For the most part I have enjoyed the "spirited" discussions by all. Your comments about being a "coward and a bully" are totally uncalled for and to be honest, I think you owe an apology. You decide. Oops, that sounds like my favorite News channel. Please feel free to REPORT ME but I could not let this go without comment! Craig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
svtbird91 Posted April 18, 2009 Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 AFBLUE: That is some insulting right there. Jeff don't deserve that. You post whatever driveling Rethuglican crap you want, but you start attaching it to peoples screen names, you are crossing the line. Your nothing but a coward and a bully. Maybe Jeff has a better sense of humor than me, but I will be reporting this. KC666 Classic ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexandros Posted April 18, 2009 Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clark17357 Posted April 18, 2009 Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 You have to appreciate that Jeff and Mark (AFBlue) are both ex-military, so they have the right to poke fun from each side of the political fence. Jeff knows how to fire back. He is tried and true in his beliefs and well respected for them. Plus, he is usually the one leading the charge to not get too excited by people who rib other people. Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFBLUE Posted April 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2009 AFBLUE: That is some insulting right there. Jeff don't deserve that. You post whatever driveling Rethuglican crap you want, but you start attaching it to peoples screen names, you are crossing the line. Your nothing but a coward and a bully. Maybe Jeff has a better sense of humor than me, but I will be reporting this. KC666 I guess you would fall into the category as "pissed off" : It a joke! Lighten up. I didn't get all pissy about your two threads on republicans and conservatives. Jeff and I have known each other for 2 years, we can both dish it out and take it, but please do "report me" I've never been on a forum bad boy list...I think I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFBLUE Posted April 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2009 Guys, This will be my last post on teamshelby. I just got a pm from JeffIsheretoo. He banned me. After 20 years of bitting my political tongue, I'm really liking this 1st amendment thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clark17357 Posted April 19, 2009 Report Share Posted April 19, 2009 After 20 years of bitting my political tongue, I'm really liking this 1st amendment thing. Seems fair to me that you now get to use the freedoms for which you put your life on the lilne, for which you spent time away from your family, for which you suffered financially, for which you spent time away from your Shelby. Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffIsHereToo Posted April 19, 2009 Report Share Posted April 19, 2009 Friend sent me this today. So are you laughing or pissed off :D Damn it! I think I'm a conservative! No wait! Do I need to call the DC Madam, loose my church for gay sex, or tap my foot in a men's room stall? If that's the case I might just take my domestic beer and side of beef, go home, and renew my ACLU membership! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffIsHereToo Posted April 19, 2009 Report Share Posted April 19, 2009 AFBLUE: That is some insulting right there. Jeff don't deserve that. You post whatever driveling Rethuglican crap you want, but you start attaching it to peoples screen names, you are crossing the line. Your nothing but a coward and a bully. Maybe Jeff has a better sense of humor than me, but I will be reporting this. KC666 No worries. I have known Mark for many years. He's served our nation faithfully and with great honor. I know there are some things we don't agree on but I think there are more things we do. Like for example, domestic beer... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFBLUE Posted April 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2009 Domestic Beer. My favorite is the Gordon Biersh Hefeweizen. :beerchug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingCobra666 Posted April 19, 2009 Report Share Posted April 19, 2009 No worries. I have known Mark for many years. He's served our nation faithfully and with great honor. I know there are some things we don't agree on but I think there are more things we do. Like for example, domestic beer... I didnt know you were buds, sorry to stick by beak in then. I need to switch to decaf or something AFblue: My applogies to you. KC666 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFBLUE Posted April 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2009 Applogies accepted Until we meet again on the TeamShelby "Field of Politcal Urinary Olympics"...Otherwise known as the non-automotive off topic area Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stormeaston Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Kool!!!!!!! we're all buds again. :happy feet: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffIsHereToo Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Kool!!!!!!! we're all buds again. :happy feet: Maybe but I'm still not going to your Tea Parties! Now a kegger... THAT IS CHANGE I CAN BELIEVE IN! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stormeaston Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Maybe but I'm still not going to your Tea Parties! Now a kegger... THAT IS CHANGE I CAN BELIEVE IN! Jeff.........I think your hosing us, your not a real liberal.............let's see..........you like beer, you own a Shelby, hmmmm........Ive got it!! your a conservalible. PS. I don't like Tea Parties either! Lets have one! :beerchug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dig-It Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 "Conservalible." Too funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sportscars Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 I was going to suggest a group hug but then I remembered the post that started this whole thing and have decided that it would be a bad idea. Next thing you know I'll be owning a cat or drinking wine. I feel sick..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffIsHereToo Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 I was going to suggest a group hug but then I remembered the post that started this whole thing and have decided that it would be a bad idea. Next thing you know I'll be owning a cat or drinking wine. I feel sick..... Let's not go too far ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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